Remember The Time. . .

Dear Mom and Dad,

Let’s take a quick stroll down memory lane. Remember the time I almost drowned in a pool? I was okay and we moved on with our lives. Remember the time I fell down a flight of stairs and Mom thought I broke my arm? We spent the rest of the day in the hospital. My arm wasn’t broken. We moved on with our lives. Remember the time in first grade when I was running and suddenly my head hit the pavement and I got a concussion? I’m pretty sure I’ve done this more than once. I woke up at home with ice on my head. The swelling eventually went down. We moved on with our lives. Remember the time I was hospitalized in the Philippines and we thought I would have to get my appendix removed but really it was just dehydration and poor nutrition? I was hooked up to a banana bag for a week. I was allowed to eat solid foods after that week. I haven’t gone back to the Philippines since. We moved on with our lives. Basically what I am trying to say is that what I am about to tell you will not be as traumatic. Remember how you told me that neither of you graduated from college yet you are both doing just fine? See, this is kind of related to that. Sometimes college isn’t for everyone. I know this first semester cost you a lot and hey think of it as me doing you both a favor by not staying in college for next semester. Sound good? Dad, I know I can hear you swearing right now but it’s okay. Just let it all out. Don’t worry, I’ve already withdrawn from the classes I signed up for next semester so you won’t be receiving a bill. I’ll be home soon. When that is? I’m not sure. Where am I now? I don’t know but rest assured that I still have clean underwear.

Your favorite daughter by default,

Nichole

Nichole,

What the hell do you think you are doing? We did not send you all the way to Texas for school just to have you quit and run around on my tab. I am not made out of money Nichole! Who do you think you are? You are such an expensive child and YOU ARE SO UNGRATEFUL! Your dad and I thought you were just trying to be funny but apparently not. Your older brother didn’t graduate from college and neither did we but that is not an excuse for you to be running around somewhere until you feel like figuring out what you want to do with your life. Who do you think you are? Remember how your dad was angry because I let you go to St. Edward’s? Boy do I regret it now. I shouldn’t have let you leave the state. I should have stuck you in that all girls college near our house and made you live at home. YOU ARE SO UNGRATEFUL! Nichole. Seriously. You better be joking. If you are not your ass better be on the next plane back to California do you hear me? You better be reading this not putting it in your purse and forgetting about it like you do with everything else. Call me as soon as you can and give me a straight answer or I’m throwing everything away in your room and giving your TV to your younger brother. You better not think I’m kidding. Why do I have such stupid children? If you don’t come home soon or if you don’t go back to college you better believe that I will hunt you down. I’m serious this time.

- Mom and Dad