Guess what?

Dear Mum and Pops,
Hey! Have you guys ever read Kurt Vonnegut? I've read Kurt Vonnegut, OH have I read Kurt Vonnegut. There was this passage in it that had me rolling all around the cafe. It went something like this: a man needed to hide from the police and did so in the house of a woman he knew. When he got there the woman went to go get to go get some of her husband’s clothes for him and he anxiously stripped naked. However, before she could return with the clothing the cops knocked at the door and he was forced to run and hide in the rafters. He climbed up but his oversized testicles hung in full view. The cop walked in and asked where the man was. He then spotted the testicles and asked what they were. The woman said that they were Chinese-temple bells; he believed her and said, "Oh? I've always wanted to here Chinese-temple bells. He gave them a whack with his billy club but they didn't make a sound, so he hit them again, only a lot harder. This time the man shrieked from the rafters, “TING-A-LING YOU SON OF A BITCH."
Hahahahaha oh man, let me tell you guys, I've never laughed harder while reading a book. I tried showing it to the guy sitting next to me, only he couldn't understand because he didn't speak English. Oh yeah, that brings me to my next point, I left college and am now a bona fide European Vagabond. Well, you can write back at this address, I'll be in Paris for awhile. Love you guys.

You're one of a kind headache,
-Kyle

Dear soon-to-be-dead son,
You best be hoping this entire letter is a joke. Little do you know you had an older brother, he did the same thing. Want to know why you've never heard of him? Because we killed him for doing it. You better drag your ass back to the states and back to school starting next semester or have changed your last name. What made you think you could just get up and leave? Why did you...? Who do you...? What the...?
Hah! You're right, it did feel good to play that traditional parent role. It was even kind of fun. It makes me almost wish you would have just got up and left. I immediately regret writing that. Well, hope you're having a fantastic time in Europe. Keep yourself safe and don't have too many girls. Your mom just hit me. Okay, your brothers are making trouble again, we'll talk to you soon.
Love,
-Dad and Mom